~being still~

I can tell that I will have a little trouble being still.  

The last day of continuous learning from home was just a week ago yesterday.  My room is totally cleaned out and my keys are turned in.  The only thing that remains is to drop by the district office on Monday morning to turn in a few things that are left in my possession.  The final tangible things that identified me as a public school employee for this infamous 2019-2020 school year will be surrendered up and when I drive away, it's about as complete as it can be.

As I move forward, it is sometimes with a restless feeling and one that others have told me should be considered quite normal.  I imagine that is very true.  The current state of affairs in a very unhealthy world coupled with the cessation of a vocation that has been mine for a gazillion years, can be quite a mix when thrown both together into the pot for supper.

More than likely I will figure out this thing called retirement and do quite well in the years that remain for me in the future.  It will take a bit of time and that's where the issue comes in for me.  One of my greatest character defects is that of impatience, and I am exponentially happier when things come together quickly.  Life is not like that and I know better.  

Once I shared with someone the great fear and anxiety that I have about figuring out who I am, once the moniker of classroom teacher is removed from my actual day to day experiences.  And yes, I readily admit that I will always be a teacher, but it is so different now and that takes a whole lot of getting used to.  The weeks ahead of me this summer will be times of great reflection and remembrance as I settle in and learn to be still for this time.  

I will make it, without a doubt.

Yesterday a gift arrived in the mail for me to honor my retirement from 40 years as a teacher.  One of my sweet nieces sent it to me and such a surprise it was, especially when I read the words on the front side of the market bag.  It was truly a mystery at first and I wasn't sure how on earth it was that I came to receive it.  Thankfully Mike remembers that it's important to read all the correspondence that comes inside of a package like this.  Then I figured it all out.  I've never had a market bag before, and certainly never any other bag as nice as this is.  It made my day to know someone had remembered me.


So if I am looking to understand the person who I am today, I hope I always remember the very humble beginnings that I had as a child growing up on the Kansas prairies.  I am a farmer's daughter and always will be.  The Reno County town of Haven shall forever be my hometown, and when my time here on this planet is through,  it is to Haven where my earthly remains shall be taken.  

The humble beginnings that I came from were reflected in the many paths that I took in life.  I intend to live the rest of my life in humility and in service to others.  

I know who I am. 
I just need to be patient and still while God shows me the rest of the plan. 

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